meet me or not, i'm out of control
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
