Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize