Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Randomize
