It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
