You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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