There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
