i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
