so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
