When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
