I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
