Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry about my life...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
