She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
