if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
