we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
