I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
