I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
