gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
