i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
