Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
