i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
