if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
