Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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