There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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