wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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