do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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