I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
