I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
