I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
