just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
