Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize