If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
