PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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