I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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