Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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