Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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