i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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