I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Someone came in the potted fern
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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