this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
