Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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