i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
