..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
