Swine flu is the new snow day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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