His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
