Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
