She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
