I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
