i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
