i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
