i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
