now i know why i became what i already was.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
