There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
