It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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