Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
