There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
