It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He shit in the fireplace
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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