Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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