I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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