arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
