if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
