your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
