Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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