I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
