I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
