But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
