Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
