Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
