I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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