they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
