I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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