Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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