:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
