Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
