I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
