hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
