then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
