Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
