People in love make me want to vomit
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
