worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize