Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
