i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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