I love black thongs
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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