Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
