handjob tips. give me some.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize