So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The adults are the big ones right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize