Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
