do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
