My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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