tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
