Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
