Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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