I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
