and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
