I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
