We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I AM VODKA MAN
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
