You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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