someone threw a dead crab at me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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