I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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