I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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